I was born a harp that has a whole complement of strings from bass to
treble. Before my lute-crisis, when my bass and treble sides were both
together upon my frame, many of my strings were badly out-of-tune because
I had been played-upon hard and cruelly re-arranged, with the
lower-pitched strings suffering worst - I learned to think of my
bass-strings as very, very bad things.
By the time of my lute-crisis, I was playing more on the midrange and
treble strings. I chose to view the midrange strings as treble ones. And I
re-tuned many of the bass strings to higher-than-proper pitches, while
mercilessly muting the rest of them. I wanted terribly to become a new
instrument -a lute- one with only treble strings. I thought I was this
other instrument, and I even tried to cut-away my bass strings. But I knew
my frame would always be that of a harp whatever I did.
After arguing with the Great Luthier, I promised I would not bend the
frame out-of-line and use a different sort of rosin on the strings (though
I still greatly desired to do both). I desperately wanted to see His
plans, and know why I it was that I had so many treble strings, many more
than bass ones, and if so, why was I not a lute or a high-register
instrument? I assumed I would have to wait until my warranty expired
before I could learn this. Meanwhile, I would play painfully out-of-tune
hurting inside and without.
Then many years later, as the wood of my soundboard aged and sang much
better, and I was playing more strings that were closer in-tune, the Great
Luthier moved my appointment up and started showing me His plan. Much to
my great surprise, He wanted for me to play in His venues here, and He
wanted everything restored just fine. He wanted me to understand what a
Grand Harp is and why it is a beautiful instrument, and why He made me
that way, and that there are few of them in the world, and that they add
to an orchestra what no other instrument can.
He did many things to me, lots of twisting and pulling, as He explained to
me what I was. He said that harps have lots of strings so they can play
music that few others can manage by themselves. Though I learned this is
good thing, I still thought little of my deep register.
First I learned that it was not good to try to cut the strings - He wanted
them ALL to stay with me! It was my lowest strings that had been abused
the most and I hated their sound. Perversely mangled, so badly that some
of the strings had been twisted together, stretched in hideous ways,
taken-off and put back wrong. He took many of these strings off and
untangled them one by one. He would move from one end of my frame to the
other, and as he went he would gradually re-tension the strings, not too
much or too little, pulling the frame back into shape in places, restoring
His design. It was a horribly complex and painful process.
And He wanted me to start to learn more music, new music that would use
the bass strings. I recoiled at that because I could not see myself as a
harp, and its full range was foreign to me. But I obeyed, because He is
the Master Luthier, my Creator.
Each time He showed me something, asked me to move one way, twist another,
or to play a certain string or melody, I would trust His judgment more.
Knowing how I was designed and constructed, He knows how best to play me
too. He was always so gentle and tender with me, even when He had to twist
or bend me painfully, with great care and respect He did this: I've come
to love Him very much more.
After a while, through much effort, most things were fixed, but I still
felt that there was something deeply wrong about the way I was made. Yes,
I could see it was right to have all these strings and now they sounded
better, but it still felt wrong to be in this frame; the stress and pain
were agony at times, and I stilled longed to be something else, if not a
lute.
Then He asked me if I would let Him connect the pedals. I had left the
factory with the pedals unattached! I thought in horror that I could not
possibly be the right instrument with pedals! If these were connected, it
would destroy the way my strings ring; I would cease to be what I am.
"Please ask me to do this. You can trust me to make you whole. You will
lose nothing that is really you," He said to me. Then I asked Him do this,
and afterward I was still me, but the stress was gone! The strings were
tensioned correctly, and they moved together in ways I never dreamt, and
they sounded right!
But something else hurt terribly, there were dents and deep scratches
where the strings had been yanked-out and twisted and reattached in the
wrong places. The truth was, from an awful time very early on, I wanted to
be cast out of the orchestra, and burned, and I wanted everyone else to
forget I was made. Even now, with the Great Luthier so close-by, and with
so much that He had fixed in me and taught me, and how He had grown me to
be able to trust His intentions and gentle, firm hands: even now I still
wanted to be unmade. Why could that be? It was the dents and scratches;
they left the Intimate-Names of the ones who made them, though I was owned
by Another now. He showed me those things in a mirror and I realized I
bore stamps that should not be there. He recognized the imprints and those
who made them, and I asked Him to restore these parts of me, removing
these marks, dents and scratches. And I forgave them who marred me, and
called His blessings upon them and their strings, that they too would play
wonderfully in His orchestra. Then He gladly did as I asked for He had
waited decades for me to recognize my need and His great ability and
desire to heal me. And I trusted Him. Now, having been remade, I no longer
wish to be unmade. Who is like this who can do such things as we cannot
ourselves? I am *so blessed* and amazed!
Still, He has not left me. No! There are things yet to do! He will teach
me to use ALL of my strings and to take joy in the lowest of notes just as
the highest! I will be a whole instrument again, but beautifully and
gracefully restored! I see that I am a harp and that this is comely and
winsome! A harp is congruent that has many strings, pedals, and the proper
shape just as the Master designed! I will learn new music and stay close
to Him, remaining in-tune! And I will take my special place in the
orchestra and play His music for all He will bid to listen.
I, even I, have been redeemed from the junk-heap! And someday, He has
said, He will add to me so that I can play even more music, in more ways
than I can imagine, even more beautiful and graceful, but always
congruent! Someday I will play in His home, but for now I will stay with
Him here, playing His Music where He calls.
He is my Creator and Master and it is my joy to play in His halls.
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