Cheese & _______

You know, I'd almost drank Bleach the other day, thinking that I was holding a bottle of yoghurt drink.  My eyes was definitely not focusing on my fingers. I guess I was looking somewhere .......yes, at the ceiling and there's nothing interesting on the ceiling. Is this some sort of attention disorder or maybe this is one of the INFP thing - heavy daydreamers? You know, I'd find myself having more and more troubles writing long post or even doing something which requires great focus and long hours. Is this "instant noodle" world making me the way I am right now? It's easier to click a like and share a post on Twitter, FB or Tumblr then to write lengthy stuff on blogspot. That is why Instagram is so popular. A picture worth a thousand words, eh? I hope that this world won't turn me into " yet another annoying millennial posting pictures of food " type of citizens. I want to do more. I want to write meanings. I want to create...

"There is always free cheese, in a mouse trap" That's how I've been living. Anti-trust. Careful. Alert. Non-risk. Never jump in. Pessimistic. It's not that I don't trust, I just need to verify. Which means, I need facts to trust. I need to see proof in front of my eyes. If it is something I can't see, I need to feel it. Is that part of an INFP behaviour? Or perhaps it's not wrong to be that way but I would never find out the great opportunity that lies behind the "trust" I should make.

Saw this on Facebook. Everyone likes happy people.  Let's express gratitude. Cultivate Optimism. 

I think there are way too many articles written and too many conferences around the topic of how to get to the place where you want to be. In real life scenarios, it probably means how to climb corporate ladder, how to be profitable in business, how to earn more money until you reach the state where you will yell “Enough!” (Would any amount of money be enough?) Nobody tells you how to be happy. I mean, nobody tells you that formally or directly. You caught it while growing up and by observing other happy people. Or maybe your folks told you that when you marry the right man or the right woman, you will be happy. Happy for the rest of your life. When you scored all As in exams, you will be happy. When you win a game, you will be happy. When you receive a gift, you will be happy. So, achieving target equals happy? Who placed the targets anyway? Have you met people who told you that you are happy? Wherever you are. Whatever you do. At that very moment. What is happiness, exactly? I re...

To build faith, you need to have dreams. A ridiculous dream. The purpose of dreams is to the existence of faith.  Somehow these both words keep coming to me today.

My existence is bothering me yet I'm not doing anything about it. Jumping to something else seems like the wrong thing to do, keeping safe here seems like the best thing to do. Yet this heart longs for more. Void. It says, feed the void. I have no desire to do good anymore. No desire to save anyone. No desire to please anyone. Nobody cares so I don't really mind if anybody hates me. It's not like they care in the first place anyway. Life is weird without any enemies. Feeling really sick, physically and mentally. Money is an issue now. Everything is. Nothing is inspiring. Every corner of the earth smells death. Living corpse walking in daylight all around me. Self-absorbed people all over and smoldering me. I can't listen to any crap for more than 10 seconds. Their self absorbed talk, bores.

Faith being tested. It is always confusing because I don't know of what I should press on and of what I should just let go and know that it is just not meant to be. Confusing.

So, my 2011 New Year Resolutions I shall wake up every morning, look into the mirror and tell myself, “I’m hot, baybeh. Oooh I’m like so gorgeous and I’m loved” I shall eat 730 times of proper and nourishing meals per year. That is two meals per day. Let’s start small. I shall produce any form of artistic creation at least once a month. I shall finish reading one of the lengthy mind-numbing chapters in the Old Testament. I shall not drive like a tortoise. No, wait. I shall not daydream while driving. I shall tidy up my room as if my mom will do a random spot check. I shall exercise. No, wait. Haven’t we been here before? Okay, I shall exercise once every 4 months. Now that sounds better. I shall learn and speak foreign language. I shall watch a movie weekly. Repeated movies permitted. I shall smile, laugh, love and not take life too seriously. Progress: Although it has evolved into something else, it's a good thing. Start your day right - is the key. I think I have ea...

May, you came like lightning. It was the most miserable awakening ever, since about maybe seven years ago. I didn't remember feeling this miserable. It's like my weight was all place in my heart. No solution. Helpless. The only thing a human can do is cry and then pray. That is all a human can do. I don't know how much I can take but if God gives, that is the amount of misery and sorrow I can take. I am thankful that my loved ones are well protected and guarded. My friends are all okay, well, at least they are well physically to continue in this tough journey of life. As I reflect, I know I'm a person without much love to give. I don't know how to love and care. Let's not even start about talking how to serve the community or finding the calling of your life or fulfilling your dreams or believing in some visions. Just love the people around you, that's already hard enough. Love the unlovable annoying friends that you have. And I have learnt valuable ...

Assuming that the soul is not a thing, science is unlikely to prove its existence anytime soon. Yet the experience inspiring the word is entirely real. We speak of "the life of the mind", consciousness, psyche, the spirit.. "she's a free spirit".. And though people die their essence lives on - in words, deeds, qualities they gave to the people who knew and loved them.. There is something - a "soul-print" that connects us instantly to who and what they were. In terms of the broader context.. We know that life seems infinitely variable, and have begun to understand it in terms of systems, a vast web of inter-connectivity. Life is creative. It solves problems. It adapts. *Something is calling forth a higher degree of order. I believe this something, this larger whole, is the mystery that which we call the soul belongs to. by Francesca