Cheese & _______

To build faith, you need to have dreams. A ridiculous dream. The purpose of dreams is to the existence of faith.  Somehow these both words keep coming to me today.

Quote from Carl Sagan that puts earth and the universe into perspective: "The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in...

My existence is bothering me yet I'm not doing anything about it. Jumping to something else seems like the wrong thing to do, keeping safe here seems like the best thing to do. Yet this heart longs for more. Void. It says, feed the void. I have no desire to do good anymore. No desire to save anyone. No desire to please anyone. Nobody cares so I don't really mind if anybody hates me. It's not like they care in the first place anyway. Life is weird without any enemies. Feeling really sick, physically and mentally. Money is an issue now. Everything is. Nothing is inspiring. Every corner of the earth smells death. Living corpse walking in daylight all around me. Self-absorbed people all over and smoldering me. I can't listen to any crap for more than 10 seconds. Their self absorbed talk, bores.

Faith being tested. It is always confusing because I don't know of what I should press on and of what I should just let go and know that it is just not meant to be. Confusing.

So, my 2011 New Year Resolutions I shall wake up every morning, look into the mirror and tell myself, “I’m hot, baybeh. Oooh I’m like so gorgeous and I’m loved” I shall eat 730 times of proper and nourishing meals per year. That is two meals per day. Let’s start small. I shall produce any form of artistic creation at least once a month. I shall finish reading one of the lengthy mind-numbing chapters in the Old Testament. I shall not drive like a tortoise. No, wait. I shall not daydream while driving. I shall tidy up my room as if my mom will do a random spot check. I shall exercise. No, wait. Haven’t we been here before? Okay, I shall exercise once every 4 months. Now that sounds better. I shall learn and speak foreign language. I shall watch a movie weekly. Repeated movies permitted. I shall smile, laugh, love and not take life too seriously. Progress: Although it has evolved into something else, it's a good thing. Start your day right - is the key. I think I have ea...

May, you came like lightning. It was the most miserable awakening ever, since about maybe seven years ago. I didn't remember feeling this miserable. It's like my weight was all place in my heart. No solution. Helpless. The only thing a human can do is cry and then pray. That is all a human can do. I don't know how much I can take but if God gives, that is the amount of misery and sorrow I can take. I am thankful that my loved ones are well protected and guarded. My friends are all okay, well, at least they are well physically to continue in this tough journey of life. As I reflect, I know I'm a person without much love to give. I don't know how to love and care. Let's not even start about talking how to serve the community or finding the calling of your life or fulfilling your dreams or believing in some visions. Just love the people around you, that's already hard enough. Love the unlovable annoying friends that you have. And I have learnt valuable ...

I talk to God every morning but I'm not what God says to me every day. There's just something I am reading now that hits me right now, so I crawled out of my bed just to blog about it. You know, I realized I don't frickin understand Freedom at all. Actually, what on earth is Freedom for? "We all live under the same sky but we don't all have the same horizon" That proves we all see circumstances differently, we all see Freedom differently. I see it, as, knowing God brings Freedom. I think it is. Knowing God, equals to Knowing someone who knows everything. Everything. Knowing everything, is Freedom perhaps? But I still know nothing. "Freedom releases you to think and see higher. Vision is the art of seeing things that are unseen" This sentence just makes me re-think the meaning of Freedom. The purpose of freedom, is not to freely make decision out of your weak human mind and soul but it enables you to think and see higher. An inability to do...